IN-LAWS, THE EXTENDED FAMILY - Part 2

Today we are continuing our series entitled In-laws, the extended family.  We are looking at the relationship between married couples and their in-laws.  In any marital relationship there will be difficulties that will arise with our in-laws, but how well we work together as a couple resolving conflicts as an extended family, will determine the health of the relationship over time.  Last week we looked at the biblical principle of husbands leaving their father and mother, and being joined to their wife, and the two of them becoming one in marriage.  Marriage is where two people merge their lives together to become one person, which means they’re one in heart, mind, body, purpose, and goals.  I believe when God created marriage, He knew that in-laws would be needed to play a major role, in building a strong family unit with a couple.  The only way we can have a strong and healthy family unit, is taking the opportunity to spend time getting to know one another.  We can build relationships with our spouse’s family by having meals together, cook-outs, birthday celebrations, and special holidays.  This helps us to connect together to create a close family, so we can get along with our extended family.  

The question that I would like to ask is, “Do you get along with your in-laws?”  This is the same question that Heather and Steve had to ponder, when it came to their relationship their in-laws.  Heather and Steve have been married almost four years.  Heather and Steve love each other very much, but the relationship with their in-laws has always been strained.  Heather feels Steve’s mother is overly critical of how Heather parents the children.  She also gets upset over the mother-in-law’s statement about how Steve works too hard.  She sees them as attacks on her choice to be a stay-at-home mom.  Steve has great difficulty connecting with his father-in-law, who seems to live for sports.  When Steve and Heather visit her parents, Steve is especially disturbed to see Heather share her father’s sports mania – leaving Steve like an outsider.

As a married couple, you might even identify emotionally with Heather and Steve, when it comes to trying to build a good relationship with your in-laws.  It is important to know, it’s normal to want to be accepted by our in-laws, like Steve desired.  But feeling that we need to be accepted can bring complications, causing us to be uncomfortable and unnatural around them.  Likewise, for Heather unrealistic hopes can cause problems, too.  Many parents are initially over-protective of their own child, or have expectations that no spouse can meet in the beginning.  The number-one factor in resolving problems of acceptance by in-laws is our spouse’s support.  Here are some tips to help us to get along with our in-laws, and strengthen our relationship to become one with our spouse:

·         Learn to support our spouse without taking sides.

·         Encourage our spouse to share their feelings with us when ready.

·         Show our spouse that they are number one in our eyes.

·         Don’t take things personally.

·         Remember building a relationship with in-laws takes time.

·         Encourage our spouse to share their feelings with their in-laws when ready.

·         Remember we are loving our spouse by honoring their parents.

It takes a husband and wife lovingly working together as one, to correct any problems with their in-laws.  Some in-laws have been known to meddle and interfere with couples when raising their children, or coming in between them. When my wife and I decided to get married to, we discussed that we were marrying one another and not our families.  I know when we got married both of us enjoyed being around one another’s family.  We wanted to build a good close relationship with our in-laws, so we could have a great extended family.  We talked about how we would love and respect each other’s family, but we wouldn’t allow anyone to come in between our relationship.  We are still enjoying a good relationship with our in-laws.  Couples, if, your answer was “no”, to the earlier question, then I encourage you to work with your spouse, together as one, to get along with your in-laws.  Couples, let’s enjoy our in-laws, and the extended family.  

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.