One
of the hardest questions we can ask ourselves is “How can I trust someone, when
trust been broken in our lives? This question isn’t an easy one to
answer, but I have learned through my experience that with God’s help, and the
assistance of others, we can trust someone again. One of the things
that can help us trust someone again who broke our trust, is first, to be
healed from the emotional hurt of it, and second, find a way in our heart to
forgive them. Forgiveness is one of the keys to being healed emotionally
from any hurt or pain. I believe no matter how deep the hurt is, God can heal
us from it. In this blog series we have been looking at trust being
broken in the area of marriage and family relationships, and practicing certain
choices that can help us heal from the emotional pain of broken trust.
Today I want to talk about the third choice that is called “The
Choice To Forgive The Offender”. This choice says we need to be
able to forgive the person who broke our trust, in order to be healed of the
emotional hurt that can allow us to restore our relationship with them.
Still
referring to the book “Healing Is A Choice” written by Stephen
Arterburn. In chapter 7 of the book in the section entitled “The
Choice To Forgive”, he talks about how forgiveness frees us to be healed of
any emotional hurt we experience from someone in our lives. When we don’t
forgive someone for the wrong they have done to us, we can allow such feelings
as resentment and anger, to kill us physically due to holding a grudge towards
them. Arterburn says, “A justifiable resentment is the type of resentment
that will kill you. It is not about anything petty. It is about
real and horrible abuse or mistreatment. It is about a real-life event
that anyone would say was terribly wrong, and most anyone would tell you that
you are totally justified in feeling the way you do. Tenderhearted people
will cry with you over it, and many probably have. All evidence supports
your feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, and unwillingness to forgive.
The other person doesn’t deserve it, and no one wants him or her to have
it. That is what I call a justifiable resentment.”
When
someone like our spouse or rebellious child have broken our trust, only
forgiveness can help heal us from emotional hurt, and allow us to try to
restore the relationship. In this series I have focused on a story of a
married couple named Tina and Teddy, which went through a tough situation in
their marriage. The couple was on the Steve Harvey show. Tina talked
about how her husband cheated on her, and the emotional pain she experienced
because of his actions. Tina practiced “The Choice To Forgive The Offender”,
which this allowed their marital relationship to be restored with each other as
she depended on God for help. True emotional healing and freedom
comes from being able to forgive our offender, who wronged us because it helps
us to restore the relationship with the one that broke our trust. Tina and Teddy still loved each other, and
her husband repented and took ownership of his actions to make things right with
his wife. God has restored Tina and Teddy’s marriage, with the couple
renewing their marriage vows all over again, but it took forgiveness and time to
heal the emotional pain of mistrust.
There
is a biblical principle that we can practice to help us forgive people who have
hurt us deeply. In Colossians 3:13 it says, “Make allowance for each
other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord
forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Resentment will keep us from
forgiving people, who offended us because of abuse or mistreatment they have
done to us. I believe there isn’t any situation that happens in our
marriage or family, which forgiveness can’t heal over time. The key is
the offender must truly repent and take ownership of their behavior instead of
blaming others for what they have done, and the other person must be able to
find it in their heart to forgive them. When our trust been broken by someone, for us
to be able to trust him or her again, the person must prove to us through their
behavior they have changed. Forgiveness
is free, but trust is earned. You
can’t forgive someone in your own strength, but it takes a supernatural work of
God to help you do it. Forgiveness gives you the ability to get healed
from the emotional pain of broken trust by someone, and helps you to trust him
or her again. It isn’t easy, but “Yes” it’s possible to trust someone
again that broke our trust.
Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.
