THE FACTORS THAT HAS HELPED MY MARRIAGE LAST 30 YEARS

My wife and I just celebrated our 30^th wedding anniversary on October 6, 2014.  When I think of the many years that have past being married to this gorgeous young lady named Donna, I know it’s only because of God’s blessings we have endured together through the good and bad times.  A lot of marriages don’t even last this long, but I am thankful that we just don’t exist with each other, but we are happily married.  For our 30^th anniversary I wanted to make that weekend special and memorable for my wife, so each morning when my honey woke up I left a card with a hand written note.  Each day also included gifts as well as an activity that we did together such as a movie, dinner, an overnight hotel stay, a surprise dinner prepared by our children, and ending our anniversary weekend with a tour of Annapolis and lunch at a restaurant on Monday.

There are many factors that have gone into helping us to build a successful marriage.  When we look at the word "factor" it means one of the elements contributing to a particular result or situation.  In other words a factor can be one of the reasons why we are getting certain results in life, which usually involves our actions.  Our actions whether positive or negative can become the factors that contribute to what we experience in our friendships, dating relationships, and our marriage. 

When my wife and I were dating there were some things that were major factors that went into building the kind of marriage we desired and have today.  Here are just three that we practiced:

1.     Our faith and love for God.  I can truly say our faith and love for God is the major factor for the relationship we have in our marriage, because we both had to learn how to love each other.  I believe God instructs us to love one another unconditionally meaning with no strings attached just like He loved us, by unselfishly giving us His son Jesus in order to have a relationship with us.  In other words before God received anything from us, He gave, so we must put away our selfish “me” first attitude of always having to be pleased, and adopt a “give” first attitude of seeking to please others.  Selfishness always fights against unconditional love and destroys relationships.  When I was dating Donna I saw how she loved God and I said to myself if she loved God like that I know she would love me.  As her husband I have learned when I do my part and unselfishly love my wife the way I should, I know that she will love me unselfishly as well.     

2.     We became friends before becoming lovers.  Another factor that contributed to us having a lasting marriage is the fact that we built a strong friendship.  We could be honest with one another being able to speak the truth in love.  I can truly say that my wife is my best friend who has my best interests in mind, and vice versa, she knows that I have her best interest in mind.  We took time getting to know one another such as our likes and dislikes, our life desires and ambitions, the things we had in common, and our families.  Also we learned how to talk to each other respectfully, how to have fun together, being able to laugh at things, not taking things to seriously, and importantly how to end our day without being angry with each other.  Too many times once sex enters into a dating relationship it changes the dynamics of the relationship, because it can take away from couples being honest and transparent with each other about their true feelings.  This is why my wife and I took our time to learn one another and not rush into things.  I believe not having sex before marriage helped us.

3.     Having married couples as mentors that we could look up to for advice.  As a young couple having people who had successful marriages and who were successful at raising children was key.  It was important to our success to associate with people who had achieved the things that we wanted to obtain.  A couple that impacted our life attended the same church we did.  They mentored us by opening up their lives and their home.  They showed us how a husband and wife should love one another unconditionally, what it took to parent children especially teenagers – THANK THE LORD, how to successfully handle conflict in marriage, and how you can have fun and develop a close knit family that can last.  They mentored us and we are better for it today.  

These key factors along with some others that I didn’t mention have contributed to my marriage success.  Some couples base their dating relationships on a person’s good looks, how much money someone makes, the type of car a person drives, the type of place they live in, or even the kind of sex they experience.  These can become factors that we build our relationships on and then carry them into our marriage.  If those factors are not strong enough to endure the difficult times that come with marriage, then the relationship won’t last.  So the question you must ask yourself is: “What are the factors I am building my relationships on that are causing my results?”

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions or feedback.