CONNECTING WITH MY WIFE

I remember a defining moment happened about four or five years into our marriage.  My wife was home with our first child Danielle.  Danielle had just been born, and at the time Donna desired to be a stay home mom in order to raise our daughter.  The Lord had blessed me where I was able to change jobs and make a decent salary for my wife to come off her job.  One day when I came home from work as soon as I walked into the house my wife approached me holding Danielle in her arms.  My wife said hello and then passed our daughter to me.  She said to me, I have been home with Danielle all day, and I need a break.  She said to me, it is time for you to have some quality time with your daughter.  I watched my wife leave us as she went into another room of the house to relax.  I looked at my daughter and said, I guess it is just you and me kid.  Let’s spend some quality time together.  Now, I could have gotten mad with my wife and said to her “What are you doing?  Don’t you know I worked hard today at work and I deserve a break myself?  Besides you’re the one that who wanted to stay at home.”   Instead, I gladly grabbed my daughter and started playing with her.  I even started singing to the point that I made up a song called “Quality time with Danielle.”  So every day when I came home, I made it a practice to give my wife a break and spend that time with my daughter.  

I tell that story for a reason, which is the main topic of this week’s blog entitled “Connecting With My Wife.”  In this blog I want to share with husbands the importance of connecting with your wife.  In general connecting with people is more than just talking to someone, but it is identifying with them about what they are going through, it is empathizing with them about what they are feeling, it is entering into their world, and it is validating their feelings and understanding them.  

My mentor John C. Maxwell, who is a well-known author and speaker on the subject of leadership, wrote on the topic of connecting with people in his book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”.   In the section called “The Law of Connection”, he said “Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand.”  Here he spoke about the importance of connecting with people on an emotional level because it helps you to understand their feelings, and allows you to touch their heart showing that you care about them even before you ask anything from them.  Now you might say isn’t this referring to a person who is a leader on their job, or who is in a leadership position?  The answer is “no” because we all are leaders in one way or another, whether on our jobs or in our home.  Leadership is influence.  He goes on to say “When it comes to working with people, the heart comes before the head.  That’s true whether you are communicating to a stadium full of people, leading a team meeting, or trying to relate to your spouse.” 

When connecting with someone especially your spouse, you need go where they are emotionally, and focus on them and not yourself.  You need to be in tune to them and their needs, and not just yours.   Referring back to the story, my wife was communicating that she needed me when she wanted me to take our daughter.  Instead of getting mad at her, I chose to connect with her, stepping into her world in order to understand what she was feeling.  In fact the Bible, in 1 Peter 3:7 God says “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives.  Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.”  In other words that means as husbands, we have the responsibility to understand our wives and connect with them emotionally, and as a result we will be able to understand each other.  I love my wife and it is my desire to be connected with her spiritually, relationally, and emotionally where we are one.  My wife and I are intentional when it comes to staying connected with each other.  We talk to each other daily, and twice a month we go out for date nights.  We use this time to find out what’s going on in one another’s life so we can stay connected to each other.  So husbands, I want to ask “What are you doing to stay connected with your wife?”  I would suggest you start by talking to your wife and let her tell you of ways that you can connect with her.  Maybe it begins with talking to your wife daily to find out what’s happening in her life, and finding time to go out on dates like you did before you got married.  If you stay connected with your wife it will help you to bond with her, and cause both of you as a married couple to understand and connect together emotionally.    

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions or feedback.