It seems like it was just yesterday my wife and I
celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and time has flown around
again to celebrate another one. On
October 6, 2015 we celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary together,
by going to a place where I always wanted to visit, Las Vegas, Nevada. We had a ball together just getting away and
being able to enjoy one another’s company.
Being able to getting away from the busyness of life and work, to just
have time with my wife in a new place was exciting to me. I couldn’t have thought about being in any
other place with any other person, other than with my best friend. We have learned not to take one another for
granted, and take advantage of the time we have together. When we dated one thing we did that has aided
us in being a happily married couple was, to build our marital relationship on
a strong foundation of a good friendship.
We learned how to become intimate friends first with each other before
we became lovers. This means we didn’t
allow sex to cloud our minds.
My wife and I have truly built an intimate
friendship with one another. Most people
when they hear the word intimate they think about a sexual relationship with
someone, but the word intimate and even intimacy has a broader meaning than
sex. Intimate and intimacy means
revealing your true self to someone. In
the book “The Seven Levels Of Intimacy” written by Matthew Kelly, he talks
about what intimacy is in relationships.
He says, “Life is a self-revelation.
It’s about revealing yourself.”
In other words Matthew Kelly is saying life is about revealing who we
are to others. He goes on to say,
“Relationships are also a process of self-revelation. But far too often we spend our time and
energy hiding our true selves from each other in relationships. … We yearn for
intimacy, but we avoid it. … We avoid intimacy because having intimacy means
exposing our secrets. Being intimate
means sharing the secrets of our hearts, minds, and souls with another fragile
and imperfect human being. Intimacy
requires that we allow another person to discover what moves us, what inspires
us, what drives us, what eats at us, what we are running towards, what we are
running from, what silent self-destructive enemies lie within us, and what
wonderful dreams we hold in our hearts.”
You see, intimacy or being intimate, is all about
taking the risk of revealing who we are on the inside to another person, and
that person revealing themselves to us.
It is important to understand we can’t share the intimate details of our
lives with everyone, but there are certain people that we are close to that we
can share our life with. While my wife
and I were in Las Vegas celebrating our wedding anniversary, I shared with her
that in 31 years of marriage there are two decisions I made in my life that I
never regretted. One was when I said “I
do” to accepting Jesus Christ as my savior and Lord, and the second was when I
said “I do” to marry her. I believe my
intimate relationship with Jesus is the only thing that has kept my intimate
relationship with my wife, and it is all because of the wonderful friendship we
continue to build upon in our marriage.
My wife and I can be honest with one another being
able to speak the truth in love. We have
one another’s best interests in mind because we are best friends. We took time getting to know one another such
as our likes and dislikes, our life desires and ambitions, and the things we
had in common. We learned how to respect
one another, have fun together, laugh at things and not take it seriously, and most
importantly not to end our day angry with each other. It is important for couples to take the mask
off, and be your true selves with one another.
I encourage you to take the time to build an intimate friendship with
one another, and allow yourselves to become good friends that have authentic communication
with each other. Don’t allow sex to
cloud your judgment where you can’t be honest about one another’s behavior that
irritates both of you, because of fear of losing the other person in the relationship. Remember the habits and behavior that is in
your dating relationship, is what will be carried over into your marital
relationship. An intimate friendship with
your spouse can help you have a long and happy marriage.
Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.
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