NAVIGATING YOUR TEENAGER THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS - Part 1

I thank God for blessing my wife and I to successfully raise three children, and to make it through the tough teenage years with them.  I can truly say we had our difficulties and challenges with them, but we were able to lovingly and patiently navigate through those years with our children.  As a result they have developed into fine young adults that we believe will be good citizens and make a contribution to society.  As I write this blog I thought about you who are walking along with your teenager through the teen years.  I was reading a book called “How To Really Love You Teen” by Doctor Ross Campbell, M.D., and I believe this book is a good resource for parents who are either preparing to enter or are currently in this stage of life with their teenager. 

Let’s look at navigating through the teen years with our teenager(s).  The word “navigate” means to direct or manage (a ship, aircraft, or guided missile) on its course.  We can also relate this meaning as parents, because it is our job to direct or manage our teenagers on a course that matures them as adults.  Dr. John C. Maxwell in his book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership” talks about a law called “The Law of Navigation”.  The Law of Navigation says “Anyone can steer the ship, but it takes a leader to chart the course”.  As parents we are leaders in the lives of our teenagers, and it is our responsibility to help steer and chart a course for their life.  We help chart our teenager’s course when we instruct them about the type of people to hang around, about loving God and others, about respecting authority starting with us as parents, preparing them for the future regarding college or trade school, and discussing with them the seriousness of sex and relationships. 

As parents we will experience challenges and difficulties with our teenager as we navigate them through the teen years.  Teenagers are children who are transitioning from the childhood stage to the adolescent stage.  They want their independence and freedom, but they are still immature in their emotional development and decision making.  It is important for us to know that they will test our love, patience, and authority.  I believe we can get through the teen years successfully with our children without giving up on them.  There are three keys that we can practice with our teen.  The three keys are: make sure our teenagers feel unconditionally loved, make sure we build a relationship with them, and make sure we discipline our teens out of love instead of anger.  Today let’s look at the first key of loving our teen children unconditionally.

·         Make sure our teenagers feel unconditionally loved.  To love our teenagers unconditionally means to love them with no strings attached.  We love them no matter what they say or do.  We love our teens and accept them for who God made them to be personally.  Our love for them isn’t based on their performance whether they made the honor roll or not in school.  Although this factor is true it doesn’t mean that standards and goals shouldn’t be set for them.  We love our teenagers when they behave right or misbehave, but it doesn’t mean we don’t deal with bad behavior.  Loving our teenagers unconditionally means we don’t put any conditions on our love for them, no matter what they do, we still love them.    

Doctor Ross Campbell says “Without this foundation unconditional love, it’s impossible to really understand our teenagers or know how to guide or deal with their behavior.  If you love your teenager only when he or she pleases you (conditional love) and convey your love only during those times, your teenager will not feel genuinely loved.  This will make your teenager feel insecure, damage their self-image, and actually prevent them from developing more mature behavior.  If you love teenagers unconditionally, they will feel good about themselves and be comfortable with themselves.  If you love teenagers only when they meet your requirements of expectations, they will feel incompetent.  They will believe it’s fruitless to do their best because it is never enough.  Insecurity, anxiety, and low self-esteem will plague them.”  As parents the foundation of our relationship with our teenagers is unconditional love.   I want to encourage all parents who might be struggling with your teenage son or daughter.  You might be tempted to give up on your child, but hang on in there with them, and work together with your teen to accomplish what you want for them.  God is love and He commands us to love others (our teens) unconditionally.  

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.