FULFILLING MY CHILDREN'S EMOTIONAL NEED, FOR BEING LOVED - Part 2

                               

In last week’s blog I mentioned that my wife and I are blessed to have three children, and we love them each the way they feel loved.  We had to work at loving them unconditionally, and it has paid off because we are a close knitted family.  In the next two blog’s we will focus on how as parents we can love our children through their primary love language, so they can have their need for emotional love fulfilled by us.  We are looking at the book “The Five Love Languages of Children” written by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D.  They wrote about how children develop emotionally when they feel unconditional love through their primary love languages.  They shared that inside every child is something like an “emotional tank”.  When their emotional need for being loved has been fulfilled, it is like their “emotional love tank” is filled up.  We want to focus on the question “How can we as parents discover our children’s love language, in order for them to feel loved?”  Today we are going to briefly discuss three of the five love languages that children can use to experience emotional love:

 

·         Physical Touch – Exercising the love language of physical touch with our children can include hugging them, kissing them on the cheek, playing with their hair, wrestling with our sons, and holding their hand.  Physical touch is one of love’s strongest voices, because it shouts “I love you!”  When we talk about touching our children physically, I mean doing it in an appropriate way.  We live in a day where parents are inappropriately touching their children, but even though this is happening it isn’t a reason for us not to practice this love language with our children.  When our children leave out for school, it is important that we lovingly hug our children because it communicates love to them, and helps them to emotionally feel loved.  Fathers need to practice unconditionally loving their daughters appropriately through physical touch.  This allows them to know they are truly loved, so they won’t go out seeking love from a young man who will take advantage of them sexually. It is important for parents to show love to their sons through physical touch, because it will help them to have a sense of being loved, and it will meet their emotional need for love.  Physical touch is a way that our children can feel loved by us.

·         Words of Affirmation – Another way to express unconditional love to our children is through words of affirmation.  Words of affirmation are words that can be communicated in different ways, but that speaks love to our children.  Words of affirmation are affectionate words that express appreciation to our children, for who they are personally, for their characteristics, and their talents and gifts.  A lot of times it is what we say, and how we say it by the tone of our voice that genuinely speaks love to children.  Speaking words of praise to our children for what they have achieved expresses love to them.  Encouraging words communicate love to them.  Even loving words of guidance when done appropriately communicates unconditional love to our children.  The goal is to love our children the way they feel loved, and words of affirmation is just one way of doing it.

·         Quality Time – The third love language brings parents and their children closer together relationally, and shows them they are loved.  Quality time is focused attention.  It means giving our children our undivided attention.  Quality time communicates to our children that they are important to us, and we are willing to make time for them.  Quality time is hearing what is going on in our children’s lives, and having quality conversations with them.  When we spend quality time with our children it makes them feel like they are the most important person in the world to us.  Whether we spend time with our children at home, or outside of the home, it is all about building a relationship with them.  It makes them feel loved and it fills their emotional love tank. 

Even though our children might experience being loved by a certain love language, as parents we need to love them by practicing all five love languages with them.  It is important for our children to have their emotional love tank filled, while additionally their need for emotional love fulfilled.  Our children might know in their head we love them, but we want them to experience our love for them at the heart level as well.  Next week we will continue looking at the other love languages, as we work toward the goal of discovering the way our children get their fulfillment for being loved.  

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.