Today I
am continuing my blog on “Motherhood No Instructions Included – Part2”. Last week I shared with you when I became a
mother, I didn’t receive an instruction manual on motherhood. Basically as mothers no instructions are
given to inform us how to become a successful mom. We face our greatest challenges and fears
when it comes to parenting our children, because there are no two children that
are alike, they all have different personalities. Last week I shared with you the first lesson
I learned that helped me as a mom, and today I will share the next two points.
1. Every
child is different so get to know them and parent them accordingly.
(Refer
back to last week’s blog on May 12, 2015 to read this point)
2. Learn how to break their will without crushing their spirit. This is one of the most important principles
that helped me as a mom. We have to
correct our children but there is a way to do so. I never disciplined by calling my children
names such as bad, stupid or any other title that fits into this category. Sometimes we think if we belittle our
children, it will motivate them to be better or to act better. However, when we belittle them, it crushes
their spirit and those words can hinder their confidence and ability to soar in
life. They may not show it right away
but it comes up later in life. We also
crush their spirit when we are authoritarian parent [NOTE; EXPLAIN THIS
TERM]. I established with my children
early in life that I was the parent and there were certain things that I would
not allow (disrespect, hitting me, etc.).
Even though I didn’t encounter these things, before they were three, I
did set the tone of who was “in charge” without doing it in an authoritative
way. I did this in a way that broke their will without crushing their
spirit. I established rules but also
worked on establishing a relationship because as Josh McDowell says “rules
without relationship equals rebellion.”
I had rules but I also focused on relationship so it did not drive my
children away from me.
3. You have to be their parent and be okay with not being
popular. My oldest daughter said to
me on Mother’s Day that she couldn’t believe that at one time she didn’t
appreciate me being her mom. About four
years ago (when she was 24) she began to appreciate me as “mom” and is always
finding a way to verbally express that.
This journey of appreciation came after a period of going through the
teen years where I had to make certain decisions that did not make me popular
with her. However, I was okay with not being popular at that time because I
knew I had to be her parent and that even though she did not appreciate me
then, there would come a day when she would.
How did I know that . . . because
I felt the same way about my mom. A lot
of times as moms, we are more concerned about being popular and being our
children’s friend. We have to find a way
to be a parent and be their friend.
However being a “friend” doesn’t always mean you make decisions that
they will like or agree with at the moment but being a friend means you will
make decisions that you know will help them even if they don’t see it then.
There
is a biblical principle that speaks about how the “virtuous woman” is blessed
by her children in Proverbs 31:28. This
woman the Bible describes is blessed by her children. She is blessed by her children not because of
being the perfect mom, but because she lovingly takes care of her home and as a
result, she has their respect. The job of
a mother is a great responsibility that God has given to us as women. It takes being a student of your children and
of motherhood in order to succeed. I believe
we all have the desire to want to parent correctly and be successful at raising
a family in today’s society. Be
encourage even if you are not doing everything right, you can never go wrong by
focusing on building a relationship with your children above everything else.
Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.
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