Today’s
blog is the final installment of the series on In-laws, the extended
family. We have been looking at the
relationship between married couples and their in-laws. Last week I made the statement, “I believe when
God created marriage, He knew that in-laws would be needed to play a major
role, in building a strong and healthy family unit with married couples.” Today I want to look at the role that in-laws
play as an extended family in building a strong family unit. In 1996 First Lady of the United States
Hillary Rodham Clinton came out with a phrase that she later coined and had
published a book called “It Takes A Village”.
In essence what Mrs. Clinton was saying is, it takes other influential
people working along with parents, to help impact and build strong
families. That’s how I view a marriage
working, where you have married couples along with their in-laws, striving
together as an extended family to help raise their grandchildren.
In-laws
can be either influencers or controllers to a family. Depending on which one they are will determine
if they will help or hinder it. Influencers
are people that others are willing to follow, but controllers are people who think
that others want to follow. Some in-laws
have been known to meddle and interfere with couples when trying to raise their
children, or coming in between them. Some
in-laws have been viewed as outlaws, because of trying to control a couple’s marriage
or family. When I think about “outlaws”,
it reminds me of the old western movies that depict cowboys who wore masks as
criminals and robed people. The word
“outlaw” means “a habitual criminal”, but it also means “a person who refuses
to be governed by established rules or practices of a group”. In this case it’s like having in-laws who
interfere in your marriage and family, who don’t honor your opinions or rules
that you setup to govern your home.
In-laws
can and should be influencers to the extended family. In fact Dr. John C. Maxwell the author of the
book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”, wrote a section called “The Law
of Influence”. In it he said “The True
measure of Leadership Is Influence – Nothing More, Nothing Less.” When a
real leader speaks people listen. What
this means is leadership isn’t a position, it is influence. If you don’t have influence, you will never
be able to lead others. Even in a
family, without influence you will never be able to lead others in the home. Here is a biblical example of an in-law having
a great impact on his family.
·
Jethro
Moses’ father-in-law was the king of Midian.
Moses was leading a nation of people named the Israelites. While traveling through the wilderness Moses was
trying to hear and solve everyone’s problems.
Jethro saw how Moses was wearing himself down, so he suggested to Moses to
select 70 men among the people and make them elders. These 70 elders would be leaders who would help
him solve the people’s problems, so he wouldn’t burn himself out. This was great insight by Jethro to suggest
the idea to Moses, but he didn’t try to interfere and take control of the
matter.
In-laws
can have a great impact within their extended family as influencers and not
controllers. My wife and I have
experienced how our in-laws helped us raise our children, being a positive influence
on them, and as a result they have turned out to be the respectful young men and
women they are today. Today, if you have
in-laws take time building a good relationship with them, and encourage them to
be involved with the family. You might ask
“What happens if we have an in-law who oversteps their boundary and interferes with
our family?” If both you and your spouse
have built a good relationship with your in-laws talk with them about the
problem, and work together to resolve it.
If that doesn’t work then together as a couple, pray for the situation
to be resolved. In the meantime set boundaries
in order keep down any confusion within the family. I believe having in-laws is just like having
another set of parents. This is great
because it can give you as a married couple the support needed for raising your
family together. Thank God for in-laws!
Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.
No comments:
Post a Comment