FULFILLING MY CHILDREN'S EMOTIONAL NEED, FOR BEING LOVED - Part 1

One thing I can truly say, is that my wife and I thank God for our three children.  We love them for who they are, and not just for what they have accomplished.  Even though we love all of them equally, each one of our children feels emotional love differently.  I believe we need to love our children unconditionally because it will help them to develop emotionally, which will prepare them for adulthood.  In the book “The Five Love Languages Of Children” written by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D., they wrote about how children develop emotionally when they feel loved through their primary love languages.  The book reveals five ways children can express and experience emotional love which are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service.  As parents it is important for us to love our children unconditionally, so they can have their emotional need for being loved fulfilled.  In this blog we want to explore the question “Why is it important for us as parents to unconditionally love our children, so they can feel loved?”   

Dr. Chapman and Ross Campbell shared that inside every child is like an “emotional tank”.  When you effectively love your child by their love language, it is like their “emotional tank” is being filled up with love.  All parents love their children, but the reality is that not all children feel loved.  The book states “Every child has an emotional tank, a place of emotional strength that can fuel him through the challenging days of childhood and adolescence.  Just as cars are powered by reserves in the gas tank, our children are fueled from their emotional tanks.  We must fill our children’s emotional tanks in order for them to operate as they should and reach their potential.”  We need to love our children unconditionally, which mean loving them with no strings attached.  Unconditional love fully accepts and affirms children for who they are, and not for what they have done.   Conditional love is based on performance and is often associated with giving or offering children gifts, rewards, and privileges due to them behaving or performing a desired way.  When we love our children with unconditional love it will fill their emotional tank.

Looking at the question, “Why it is important for us as parents to unconditionally love our children, so they can feel loved?”, the answer should meet three needs in their lives.  The three needs are: a healthy self-worth, a sense of feeling secure and safe, and developing good relational skills.  When parents lovingly develop their children to have a healthy self-worth about themselves, it can prepare them for success when they enter the real world.  Our children also need to know that we love them enough to be in present in their lives physically and emotionally, giving them a sense of safety and security in the home.  As parents how we love and treat one another in the home as a family, will help our children to mature in order to have good relational skills with others as they build friendships. 

As parents we must love our children according to the way they feel love through their love languages.  This is really inline to what the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”  This is talking about training up our children according to their bent, which means according to their emotional make up.  We are called to love our children according to their emotional make up and need for love.  If we have more than one child, then we must love all of them equally, but differently according to their emotional bent.  When we love our children unconditionally, we can fulfill their needs for self-worth, security, and good relational skills for life. I remembered my son David as a teenager, telling me how he appreciated me being present in his sisters and his life.  He expressed how he felt loved and secured in our family.  Learning your children’s primary love language, and loving them the way they feel loved will help them to grow and mature as adults.  In next week’s blog we will talk more about discovering our children’s love language.  I encourage all of us parents to love our children unconditionally with no strings attached, and not by their performance.

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.