RESPECT IN THE HOME

In today’s marriages and families one of the major problems between husbands and wives, parents and children, is a lack of respect in the home.  We see on the News couples that are involved in domestic disputes because someone felt disrespected.  Or a conflict between a parent and child, which resulted in someone getting hurt because they felt disrespected.  We even know of people in our families and on our jobs who feel disrespected in their relationships. When I think of the principles I learned in life growing up about the family, I always reflect back to the experiences I gained at home with my father and mother.  I can truly say along with my brothers, our parents demonstrated before us how they respected one another.  As a result they taught us how to respect each other.  I believe through their examples, God has helped me along with my wife, to build a home where we respect one another.

When we talk about respect in the home, we are speaking about how family members honor one another.  The word respect means to hold in esteem or honor.  In other words to respect someone is to honor them for who they are (personally), for their skill (ability), and their role (position).  The way we show respect to someone that we honor or esteem is by our actions, and in what we say or do which causes them to feel respected.  How we talk to our husband or wife in the home, communicates a level of respect to them by the way we esteem them.  That’s important because the way some couples consistently talk disrespectfully to each other in public, you wonder if they do the same thing at home in front of their children.  If we truly respect our mates, we won’t make it a practice of saying destructive and obscene things like calling them B’s, tearing them down emotionally, and destroying their character.  So as parents modeling respect before our children teaches them how to honor us as their mother and father, and it helps them to understand how to respect their siblings in the family. 

Also, when our spouse and children feel honored because of the way they have been respected by us in the family, they will naturally submit to our leadership and follow us. Leadership guru Dr. John C. Maxwell in his book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”, talks about a law called “The Law of Respect”.  The Law of Respect says “People Naturally Follow Leaders Stronger Than Themselves”.  How does “The Law of Respect” translate into marriage and family life?   When God created the family, He setup a structure where, we could function in different roles with various responsibilities in the home.  For instance God setup a family structure with such roles as a husband/father, wife/mother, and children in the home.  How well we lead our family members through these roles, will determine our ability to influence them, and gain their respect that will cause them to follow our leadership.  That’s “The Law of Respect” in operation in the home. 

My wife, Donna and I have made a conscious effort of not arguing with each other in front of our children, whenever we get upset with one another.  This doesn’t mean we never have disagreements as a married couple, because we do, but whenever we have a disagreement we always get behind closed doors to discuss the issues.  We refused to disrespect one another by yelling and screaming at each other.   Don’t get me wrong, we are not a perfect couple.  There have been times in our marriage, when we have spoken to each other the wrong way disrespectfully, and had to go back to apologize.  In my role as the husband/father in the family, I have the responsibility as the head of my home to lead my wife and children with integrity.  That’s why I always wanted my children to see me treating my wife with respect, so they would know how to respect her as their mother. 

There is a biblical principle called the law of sowing and reaping in Galatians 6:7b, which says “For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”  In other words the way we treat people in life, is how we will be treated by others.  There is an old saying “What goes around comes around.”  When we show respect to our spouse and children they will respect us.  But, if we fail to respect our spouse, they will emotionally disconnect from us, stop following us, and eventually leave us maybe causing a divorce.  So husbands and wives, if you want a home where modeling respect to each other is normal in your family, then it must be practiced by both of you before your children.  Just imagine a home, where everyone in the family feels respected by the way they are honored.  That’s what we can experience, and it all starts with us as parents. 

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.