HOW TO STAY CONNECTED AS A FAMILY, EVEN WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT SITUATIONS- Part 1

In my last blog I shared how my wife and I built a close knit family.  I mentioned the things we did with our children which I called “ingredients” that we practiced in our home.  These ingredients helped us to build unity or “oneness” with each other which produced a close family relationship.  At the same time, I don’t want to give you the impression that we are this prefect family who don’t deal with any difficulties, problems, or conflicts in our home that fights against the closeness we have worked to build in our family.  I remember two stories that speak to how we had to work through difficult situations as a family in order for us to stay connected instead of being ripped apart relationally. 

STORY ONE - In, 2000 I was laid off from my job and out of work for eight months.  We had some money saved that we could use to carry us over, but we had no idea the layoff would last eight months.  At the same time that I lost my job, I slipped down the basement stairs of my house and hurt my head pretty bad.  We were getting deeper into debt financially because of having to charge the things needed in order to keep the family going.  This difficult situation could have affected my marital relationship between my wife and I due to the financial strain we were experiencing.  Additionally this could have affected our children in a negative way because of the stress.  The only way we got through everything was our faith in God and in one another.  God worked in such a way that caused us to understand deeper there is nothing too hard for Him to do.  We chose to stick together.  This helped us to not only get through the situation but allowed our relationship to be strengthened in the process.  We could have allowed the difficult situation to destroy the close knit family we had built, but we handled the problem in a positive manner and our family is closer today.     

STORY TWO – When my oldest daughter Danielle was 17, and a senior in high school my wife confronted her about a relationship she was involved in.  I will never forget this; we were all sitting at the table together as a family for Sunday dinner when some words were exchanged between them, not in a disrespectful way but still in a way that hurt feelings came as a result.  It caused a riff in their relationship.  It bothered my wife to the point that she stayed home from work the next day praying over the situation and writing down her thoughts and feelings.  Later she met with Danielle and read what she wrote, and before she even finished reading the paper Danielle apologized for what she said to her.  Even after the incident happened they had some awkward moments, but they both worked through their feelings, and as a result of the incident it has produced a great close relationship that they still enjoy today.  My wife was determined not to allow the difficulty to sever their relationship.  As a family we had worked hard practicing the right ingredients to build a close knit family, but we had to work even harder to stay connected with each other and not allow difficult times or situations to tear us apart. 

I told these two stories because no matter how strong of a relationship we have with our spouse or children, at some point in our lives we will experience difficult times with them.  Difficulties are inevitable in any type of relationship whether in marriage or family.  Difficult situations don’t come to destroy our relationships but only to let us know a problem exist.  How we choose to resolve the issues will determine the health of the relationship.  Difficulties can help develop our character and mature us.  In fact the Bible in Romans 5:3-5 talks about the purpose for difficulties which is to help develop endurance, character, hope, and God’s love in us.  In other words difficulties develop our endurance – hanging in there with people.  Endurance develops our character – maturing and managing our behavior interacting with people.  Character develops our hope – not giving up on people.  And, hope develops our love – doing what is needed to love people.  The love here isn’t talking about our natural human love, but a supernatural love that comes unconditionally from God.  Our natural love runs out with people, but God’s love never runs out.  So our response out of love to difficulties with each other will help determine what kind of relationship we will have, close knit, strained, or severed.  Difficult situations test the closeness of our relationships, but when handle correctly can determine how well we stay connected together as a family.   

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.