LEAVING A LEGACY OF FAITH TO OUR CHILDREN

Today’s blog is in honor of the Easter holiday that is coming up this Sunday.  I will be sharing my thoughts about the importance of parents, passing along their Christian faith to their children.  Since my wife and I are people of faith, we believe in today’s culture, it is our duty and job to pass down the timeless truths and values of our faith, which has worked for us to our children.  I call it leaving a legacy of faith to our children.  Some people might say as parents we shouldn’t force religion down our children throat.  For us we see it as passing down our biblical beliefs, which we have practiced in the home.  Our children have seen us live out our faith before them inside and outside the home, but it is up to them to embrace it as their faith for their lives.  I am not talking about just being religious or going to church, but I am talking about living out biblical truths that shape your thoughts and actions in life.  For my wife Donna and I, our actions have kept us happily married together for over 30 years, through the good and bad times in our marriage.

I believe how we live our lives before our children can help shape their character, and teach them how to handle life.  This is leaving a legacy behind that our children can live out in their generation.  So, why not leave a legacy of faith in God that can prepare them for life.  Here’s a story of a couple named Jonathan and Sarah Edwards, who walked by faith and left behind a spiritual legacy.  Jonathan Edwards felt God’s call to become a minister, and later he and his wife pastored a small congregation.  During the years that followed, he wrote many sermons, prayers, and books, and was influential in beginning the Great Awakening.  Together they produced eleven children who grew into adulthood.  Sarah was a partner in her husband’s ministry, and he sought her advice regarding sermons and church matters.  They spent time talking about these things together, and, when their children were old enough, the parents included them in the discussions.  Jonathan and Sarah’s legacy was seen through their children and descendants accomplishments: lawyers, deans of colleges, professors of colleges and universities, college presidents, judges, physicians, mayors of cities, governors of states, United States senators, and 1 Vice President of the United States. 

Leaving a legacy to our children isn’t just about leaving material things to them.  Don’t get me wrong, we should leave our children with financial wealth if we can, instead of leaving any debt to them.  We can leave our children with wealth, but if we don’t teach them how to handle prosperity, then they will squander or misuse it.  We need to develop character in them where they can appreciate and respect people, and have the right attitude towards money, by seeing it as a tool to achieving their goals in life.  That’s why I believe we must pass down our Christian faith to our children, so they can have the right perspective of life, an eternal one.  We want them to love God and people, and use their wealth to serve God and to bless others.  There is a biblical example of two women that left a legacy of faith to their children.  In 2 Timothy 1:5 it says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”  This scripture here was written to a young man named Timothy, and we see through the leadership of his grandmother Lois and his mother Eunice, they passed down their faith to him that they practiced. 

Actually, there is a law called “The Law of Legacy”, which says “A Leader’s Lasting Value Is Measured by Succession”.  As parents, the habits and decisions that we live by whether positive or negative, are what we will be known for, and the legacy that we will leave to our children.  So the question I will ask you is “What kind of legacy will you and your mate leave?”  Will it be lasting?  Will it be imperishable and eternal?  Or will you leave behind only tangible items – houses, money and/or possessions?  It is said the single best thing parents can do to pass on their religious beliefs is to live out an authentic, vibrant faith themselves.  If we are just going through the motions of faith, it won’t stick.  Our children need to see us modeling spiritual habits of our faith, such as reading the Bible, obeying God’s word, and prayer.  Also, it is important to know we can live out our faith, and our children not accept it because it is up to them to believe.  Let’s pray for our children’s salvation that they will accept Jesus.  Hey parents, why not start this Easter by leaving a legacy of faith to our children.  It could the best gift you give your children.

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

  

RESPECT IN THE HOME

In today’s marriages and families one of the major problems between husbands and wives, parents and children, is a lack of respect in the home.  We see on the News couples that are involved in domestic disputes because someone felt disrespected.  Or a conflict between a parent and child, which resulted in someone getting hurt because they felt disrespected.  We even know of people in our families and on our jobs who feel disrespected in their relationships. When I think of the principles I learned in life growing up about the family, I always reflect back to the experiences I gained at home with my father and mother.  I can truly say along with my brothers, our parents demonstrated before us how they respected one another.  As a result they taught us how to respect each other.  I believe through their examples, God has helped me along with my wife, to build a home where we respect one another.

When we talk about respect in the home, we are speaking about how family members honor one another.  The word respect means to hold in esteem or honor.  In other words to respect someone is to honor them for who they are (personally), for their skill (ability), and their role (position).  The way we show respect to someone that we honor or esteem is by our actions, and in what we say or do which causes them to feel respected.  How we talk to our husband or wife in the home, communicates a level of respect to them by the way we esteem them.  That’s important because the way some couples consistently talk disrespectfully to each other in public, you wonder if they do the same thing at home in front of their children.  If we truly respect our mates, we won’t make it a practice of saying destructive and obscene things like calling them B’s, tearing them down emotionally, and destroying their character.  So as parents modeling respect before our children teaches them how to honor us as their mother and father, and it helps them to understand how to respect their siblings in the family. 

Also, when our spouse and children feel honored because of the way they have been respected by us in the family, they will naturally submit to our leadership and follow us. Leadership guru Dr. John C. Maxwell in his book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”, talks about a law called “The Law of Respect”.  The Law of Respect says “People Naturally Follow Leaders Stronger Than Themselves”.  How does “The Law of Respect” translate into marriage and family life?   When God created the family, He setup a structure where, we could function in different roles with various responsibilities in the home.  For instance God setup a family structure with such roles as a husband/father, wife/mother, and children in the home.  How well we lead our family members through these roles, will determine our ability to influence them, and gain their respect that will cause them to follow our leadership.  That’s “The Law of Respect” in operation in the home. 

My wife, Donna and I have made a conscious effort of not arguing with each other in front of our children, whenever we get upset with one another.  This doesn’t mean we never have disagreements as a married couple, because we do, but whenever we have a disagreement we always get behind closed doors to discuss the issues.  We refused to disrespect one another by yelling and screaming at each other.   Don’t get me wrong, we are not a perfect couple.  There have been times in our marriage, when we have spoken to each other the wrong way disrespectfully, and had to go back to apologize.  In my role as the husband/father in the family, I have the responsibility as the head of my home to lead my wife and children with integrity.  That’s why I always wanted my children to see me treating my wife with respect, so they would know how to respect her as their mother. 

There is a biblical principle called the law of sowing and reaping in Galatians 6:7b, which says “For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”  In other words the way we treat people in life, is how we will be treated by others.  There is an old saying “What goes around comes around.”  When we show respect to our spouse and children they will respect us.  But, if we fail to respect our spouse, they will emotionally disconnect from us, stop following us, and eventually leave us maybe causing a divorce.  So husbands and wives, if you want a home where modeling respect to each other is normal in your family, then it must be practiced by both of you before your children.  Just imagine a home, where everyone in the family feels respected by the way they are honored.  That’s what we can experience, and it all starts with us as parents. 

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

HAVING FUN AS A FAMILY

As an adult I enjoyed watching a certain family show on T.V. called “The Cosby Show”.    The Cosby Show appeared on NBC from 1984 to 1992.  The series depicted a close knit and prosperous African American family (The Huxtables) that lived in New York City.  Bill Cosby was an OB-GYN Doctor, and his wife Phylicia Rashad was an attorney.  They were a happily married couple who had aspirations of raising their five children in an uplifting, and positive environment.  The Cosby Show showed us how this family successfully handled difficult situations in the home, and how they enjoyed having fun together building a close strong family.  I remembered a scene in season 2 episodes 3 called “The Anniversary” where Bill Cosby’s family sang and dance to a song for his mother and father.  The couple was celebrating 47 years of marriage.  The scene showed how the family had fun together and truly enjoyed one another.  I thought to myself it is good to be able to have fun with your wife and children while connecting together relationally.

Having fun together as a family is important in building a strong, healthy family relationship.  Family life isn’t just about dealing with difficulties and conflicts.  It is also about having fun together with one another.  Handling and responding properly to difficult situations in our family helps to mature our relationship, but also learning how to have fun in our family helps to mature our relationship.  When I mention about having fun as a family I am talking about doing fun things together, and enjoying a time of laughter with each other.  Having fun with our spouse and children is an important factor for having a close knit family.  

To tell you the truth, having fun and laughter is a principle that is healthy for any person and any relationship.  The late Norman Cousins, professor of UCLA’s School of Medicine, wrote about his life-changing experience with laughter in his book “Anatomy of an Illness”.  Even one of the wisest men that ever lived in history King Solomon spoke about the importance of fun and laughter in our life.  His thoughts are captured in the Bible, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”   A cheerful heart can come from having fun and laughter, which can be good medicine for our emotional health.  Solomon also says a broken spirit saps a person’s strength, and this can refer to a person who experienced emotional hurt.  Emotional hurt that is caused by a conflict with our spouse or children can sap our physical strength, which can affect our relationship with them.  Fun and laughter can be the medicine to help heal our emotional state and draw us closer together as a family.  Now, if there is a problem at some point, we will still have to deal with it in a mature way.  But, sometimes having fun together can help break the tension that is from a conflict. 

In regards to the Stradford Family, we love having fun and laughter because it draws us closer together.  In our family we are all are different, but we balance one another out.  For instance my wife is the serious one of the family but she loves a good laugh, Danielle is serious, but always looking for something funny to laugh about, David is the comedian of the family, Danae is the funny, playful, and free-spirited one, and I am the serious and playful one.  We realize there is a time for being serious and a time for having fun.  So parents, I encourage you to take time out of your busy schedule, and begin to plan some time where you can come together and have fun as a family.  It will help your family relationship and cause you to connect closer together.  Also don’t allow a conflict to separate you as a family because it will keep you disconnected from each other.  Handle the situation correctly, stay connected with each other, and have some fun together.  Family life doesn’t always have to be serious all the time.  It is good for us to be able to laugh and have fun because it is a way to bring us closer together, and create great memories that will last a life time.

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

HOW TO STAY CONNECTED AS A FAMILY, EVEN WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT SITUATIONS - Part 2

Today I want to continue the blog entitled “How to stay connected as a family, even when dealing with difficult situations.”  In my blog last week I shared two stories about how our family experienced difficult situations that could have ripped us apart.  But, it was how we handled the difficulties that caused us to stay connected together. 

Difficulties are inevitable in any type of relationship whether in a marriage or family, but it’s how we respond to tough times as a family that will determine if we stay closely connected together.  Here are some things we can do to help us respond properly to difficult situations in our family:
     1.      Love people unconditionally with no strings attached.
    2.   Don’t blame anybody for the difficulty. 
    3.    If needed take responsibility and ownership for our part of the difficulty, and 
          apologize for any wrong action.
    4.   Be ready to practice forgiveness for any hurt feelings caused by the situation.

Handling difficulties the right way helps us to mature in life.  Also, how the other person responds to the difficult situation will determine the health of the relationship.  I want to refer back to the two stories I mentioned.  In the first story, my wife could have blamed me for our financial difficulties because of losing my job.  This could have caused arguments, negatively affected our relationship.  Instead we both dealt with the situation in a positive way.  As a result we both matured and our relationship grew stronger by how we handled the difficult time.  In the second story, my wife confronted our daughter about a relationship she was in with a young man.  Although difficult at the time, the end result was a positive and today my daughter and wife have a great relationship.  My wife could have harbored ill feelings toward our daughter because of the incident that happened between them.  Instead she was the bigger person and went to her out of love in order for their relationship to stay connected.   

Maybe you are going through a difficult situation with a child in your home, a financial difficulty, a test in your marriage, or a health difficulty?  Difficult situations will test the closeness of any relationship but when handled properly will cause the relationship to mature.  Broken family relationships happen when we don’t correctly handle difficult situations.  When we blame others, harbor hurt feels, and don’t forgive, these actions only cause brokenness between our spouse and children that destroy the closeness that we built.  So maybe you had a close relationship with someone that was damaged because of not correctly handling a difficult situation?  And now you are trying to reestablish that connection with them.  It might take some time to restore that relationship and build up the closeness that you had with them.  Remember in order to get the closeness back that you once had with the person it is going to take hard work by both of you.  Continue to love the person and give them space.  Hopefully with much prayer trust God to touch the person’s heart to give you another chance to rebuild the relationship.  Family relationships are messy and take hard work in order to stay closely connected together, but going through difficult situations correctly can cause you to grow in your connection as a family. 

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.