PURITY W/STYLE: FROM PERSONAL DECISION TO TOTAL TRANSFORMATION

           
This week I have a guest blogger . . . my oldest daughter, Danielle Stradford.  She is going to share with you on the topic "From Personal Decision to Total Transformation.”  I hope you enjoy reading it.

                

Sometimes in life when we make decisions we have no clue the impact that one decision can have on our lives. Who would have thought that deciding to chuck the deuces to sex before marriage, drinking and life outside of God almost four years ago would have taken me on the journey that I am still actively pursuing today. If you would have told me that my views on marriage, God, my confidence, self-worth and determination to walk out my standards without compromise would have been elevated due to one decision I made in November of 2011, I would have said not me, yea right, NO WAY!  I’m not gonna lie, while this decision has brought, and is still bringing so many blessings and opportunities to my life, it was also one of the hardest and scariest decisions that I have even made. I was making the decision to walk away from what I thought was love, stability, and comfort in relationships knowing this decision would most likely cause me to have to walk alone for a while. Ultimately, I was making the decision to have to look in the mirror, face myself and begin to deal with the issues that had plagued me for so long such as low self-esteem, fear of loneliness and not fitting in with the crowd. This journey has been nothing short of exciting, transforming, painful and pivotal all at the same time.

As a woman and individual here are two key things I have learned along this journey as a result of my decision.

1.    Learn to define and identify love in the right way. Enduring this journey of making the choice to walk the path of purity as a non-virgin has caused me to re-evaluate how I think about, and what I expect during dating and marriage. Instead of looking for my boyfriend or outward things to make me feel good I began to realize that my love, confidence and security had to first be whole within myself. I am a Christian and I understand that my relationship with God is the foundation and source of my confidence and self-esteem. Through being intentional about shutting out the negative noise of bad relationships that ultimately brought about bad habits, I was able to begin to both understand and accept the unconditional love of God. In all relationships, especially in our marriage relationships I believe that we need to view love through the lens of unconditional love. That is the only way our relationships with be successful and work. But, we first have to love and appreciate ourselves before we can accept and appreciate love from others.

2.    Don’t be fooled, Purity is attractive! This fact is probably the most intriguing to me. Growing up with parents as ministers I always remember hearing about maintaining a pure lifestyle and not having sex before marriage, but I felt like it wasn’t the cool thing to do. And, let’s face it, I wanted to be cool. Once I made the decision at 17 to start having sex and drinking to fit in once I got to college, I realized this was not the lifestyle for me. As a matter of fact, all it seemed to bring was drama and a bunch of trouble and disappointment that I didn’t need. Since making the decision to live a pure lifestyle at 24 I have not only noticed that I look and feel better personally, but my quality of life and relationships is so much better. The biggest thing I noticed is that when I began to value myself, that better quality guys were being attracted to me. I was fooled! What I thought would drive them away was actually attracting more people to me. That blew my mind! This allowed me to know that purity is attractive. While many of the people who are attracted to you may still come for the wrong reasons, you are now in a position where you can protect your most valuable assets; your heart and purity, while remaining confident and not compromising on your standards until the loving and amazing mate that God has for you comes along.

This journey has been one heck of a ride to say the least, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Now, at 28 years old I love representing purity! But, not just purity, attractive, fun and this is the life you deserve and want to have form of purity. I am not sure where you are in your journey, or what you have faced? But, know there is more for you out there than sleeping around, dealing with damaging relationships, having your heart broken and partying. God loves you and desires more for your life. As a matter of fact he created you with a unique and powerful purpose and destiny! My one piece of advice for any person, at any stage of life is to make wise decisions. Like me, one decision can totally transform your life.

What areas would you like to see transformed for the better in your life? Would love to hear from you!

xoxo

-Dani

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

NAVIGATING YOUR TEENAGER THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS - Part 2

                                             

Today we are continuing the topic that I started last week called “Navigating Your Teenager Through The Teen Years”.   I shared with you how my wife and I have been able to successfully raise our three children through the tough teenage years.  The teen years can be a little rough because teenagers are in that transition period where they are going from the childhood stage to the adolescent stage.  They are trying to get their independence so they will challenge you as parents, but you have to be able to lovingly and patiently navigate them through this time. 

I believe as parents, we can navigate our teenager through the teen years successfully by practicing three keys which are: make sure our teenagers feel unconditionally loved, make sure we build a relationship with our teenagers, and make sure we discipline our teens out of love instead of anger. Today we want to cover the last two keys.  

·         Make sure we build a relationship with our teenagers.  The next key we need to practice with our teenagers to get them through the teen years is building a relationship with them.  We must work to connect with our teenagers emotionally and relationally by talking to them, getting into their world, and being involved in their lives.  We need to give teens their space for independence to make decisions, but still stay well connected with them having an open line of communication.  Being involved with our teenagers lives means showing interest in understanding their likes and dislikes, and their ambitions and goals for life.  I know my wife and I were involved in our teenagers’ lives, when all three of them decided what college or trade school they wanted to attend.  They choose the schools for themselves, but we walked with them through the process.  We must also not allow our teen’s good or bad behavior dictate our relationship with them, but affirm them for who they can become.  Our relationship shouldn’t be based on performance.  Purpose to build a relationship with your teenagers.   

   

·         Make sure we discipline our teens out of love instead of anger.   As parents in building a relationship with our teens, realize there will be times when we will have to discipline them, because of going against our rules or authority in the home.  When they challenge our authority, it is important that we discipline our teens out of love and not anger.  When we discipline our teenagers out of anger, it can damage our relationship with them because we can say or do something we will regret later.  Teenagers may also go against our teachings, but no matter how they respond we must lead them by modeling what we want them to become.  They may also display bad behavior or attitudes toward us as parents, so if that happens we must be willing to discipline them when needed.  An important fact teenagers need to understand is that we love them, but we are their parents not their friends.  We need to establish rules with our teenagers, but more importantly we need to work to establish a relationship with them.  Josh McDowell says “rules without relationship equals rebellion.”  Build a relationship with your teen, but discipline them out of love and not anger.   

It is important for us as parents to carefully navigate our teenagers through the difficult teen years.  We navigate our teenager(s) by our past experiences as a teenager, listening to others like our parents noticing how they raised us as a teenager, faith in our philosophy for raising our children, and the facts of seeing how our teenager is responding to our parenting.  Solomon the wisest man who ever lived said in Proverbs 3:1 & 2 “My child, never forget the things I have taught you.  Store my commands in heart.  If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying.”  As parents you are responsible to help steer and chart a course for your teenager(s).  At the end of the day our goal for our teenagers should be to develop and mature them personally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally so they can be the best version of themselves as an adult in society.    

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

NAVIGATING YOUR TEENAGER THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS - Part 1

I thank God for blessing my wife and I to successfully raise three children, and to make it through the tough teenage years with them.  I can truly say we had our difficulties and challenges with them, but we were able to lovingly and patiently navigate through those years with our children.  As a result they have developed into fine young adults that we believe will be good citizens and make a contribution to society.  As I write this blog I thought about you who are walking along with your teenager through the teen years.  I was reading a book called “How To Really Love You Teen” by Doctor Ross Campbell, M.D., and I believe this book is a good resource for parents who are either preparing to enter or are currently in this stage of life with their teenager. 

Let’s look at navigating through the teen years with our teenager(s).  The word “navigate” means to direct or manage (a ship, aircraft, or guided missile) on its course.  We can also relate this meaning as parents, because it is our job to direct or manage our teenagers on a course that matures them as adults.  Dr. John C. Maxwell in his book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership” talks about a law called “The Law of Navigation”.  The Law of Navigation says “Anyone can steer the ship, but it takes a leader to chart the course”.  As parents we are leaders in the lives of our teenagers, and it is our responsibility to help steer and chart a course for their life.  We help chart our teenager’s course when we instruct them about the type of people to hang around, about loving God and others, about respecting authority starting with us as parents, preparing them for the future regarding college or trade school, and discussing with them the seriousness of sex and relationships. 

As parents we will experience challenges and difficulties with our teenager as we navigate them through the teen years.  Teenagers are children who are transitioning from the childhood stage to the adolescent stage.  They want their independence and freedom, but they are still immature in their emotional development and decision making.  It is important for us to know that they will test our love, patience, and authority.  I believe we can get through the teen years successfully with our children without giving up on them.  There are three keys that we can practice with our teen.  The three keys are: make sure our teenagers feel unconditionally loved, make sure we build a relationship with them, and make sure we discipline our teens out of love instead of anger.  Today let’s look at the first key of loving our teen children unconditionally.

·         Make sure our teenagers feel unconditionally loved.  To love our teenagers unconditionally means to love them with no strings attached.  We love them no matter what they say or do.  We love our teens and accept them for who God made them to be personally.  Our love for them isn’t based on their performance whether they made the honor roll or not in school.  Although this factor is true it doesn’t mean that standards and goals shouldn’t be set for them.  We love our teenagers when they behave right or misbehave, but it doesn’t mean we don’t deal with bad behavior.  Loving our teenagers unconditionally means we don’t put any conditions on our love for them, no matter what they do, we still love them.    

Doctor Ross Campbell says “Without this foundation unconditional love, it’s impossible to really understand our teenagers or know how to guide or deal with their behavior.  If you love your teenager only when he or she pleases you (conditional love) and convey your love only during those times, your teenager will not feel genuinely loved.  This will make your teenager feel insecure, damage their self-image, and actually prevent them from developing more mature behavior.  If you love teenagers unconditionally, they will feel good about themselves and be comfortable with themselves.  If you love teenagers only when they meet your requirements of expectations, they will feel incompetent.  They will believe it’s fruitless to do their best because it is never enough.  Insecurity, anxiety, and low self-esteem will plague them.”  As parents the foundation of our relationship with our teenagers is unconditional love.   I want to encourage all parents who might be struggling with your teenage son or daughter.  You might be tempted to give up on your child, but hang on in there with them, and work together with your teen to accomplish what you want for them.  God is love and He commands us to love others (our teens) unconditionally.  

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

DATING OR COURTSHIP, A FOUNDATION FOR BUILDING A MARRIAGE - Part 3

In today’s blog I will be completing my series entitled “Dating Or Courtship, A Foundation For Building A Marriage”.  As I stated earlier, the purpose for this series is to let people know that the habits they practice in their dating or courting relationship, will become the foundation that their marriage will be built upon as a couple.  We have been focusing on practicing three habits that can become the foundation of our marriage which are our spirituality, character, and friendship with our partner.  Last week we discussed the habits of spirituality and character, so check out the blog dated – 8/25/15.  Today’s habit we will cover is friendship.  

·         Friendship – For couples who are either dating or courting one another, it is important that they build their relationships on a strong friendship.  Friendship is about couples learning how to become friends with each other, without the pressure of having to sleep with one another.  Friendship is where two people see what they have in common.  They are willing to give of themselves unselfishly to each other.  Becoming friends mean spending time getting to know one another, going out together, talking to each other and finding out their life goals.  Couples need to build an authentic and transparent friendship, in order to have an intimate relationship with each other.  When we hear the word intimate, the first thing people think of is sex of being intimate physically.  Here, the context of being intimate means two people building such a trust with each other that they feel safe sharing the good, bad, and ugly about themselves with one another. 

 

Young men and women the habits you practice in your relationship are going to happen either through a dating or courtship method.  Our culture says dating is about couples hanging out and hooking up sexually.  Courtship is about two people building an authentic transparent friendship with one another, without the distraction of sex getting in the way of the relationship.  Culture says you date to find the right person to marry, but I believe you must be the right person to marry.   Here’s a story to illustrate this point - A young lady that had been brought up in a religious home, and was taught all the right things about God.  She wasn’t turned off from God, but she just wanted to experience the culture’s way of dating for herself.  She was doing this to find the right person.  Later she met this nice Christian guy who had the total package.  He had the looks, he was living out his faith, he was living by his standards, he had a good job, and a nice car.  A couple days later the young lady was telling her mother about the guy, and her mother said honey the problem is a young man like that isn’t looking for a girl like you.  When she heard those words from her mother, it woke her up spiritually which caused her to drop to her knees in tears, and change the way she was living.  She no longer was going to try to find the right person, but she would become the right person a guy like that would want to marry. 

I believe when we are practicing the habits of spirituality, character, and friendship in our dating or courtship relationship we are building the foundation for a healthy marriage.  As followers of Christ we shouldn’t take our approach for dating from the culture, but from God’s biblical principles for dating or courtship.   In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it says “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers.  How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness?  How can light live with darkness?”   As Christians biblically we should date or court Christians who we only have things in common, because when you have two people in a relationship who are following different approaches to life it can cause problems.   My daughter Danielle almost four years ago decided she was going to live her life following God, and stop doing her own thing of engaging in sex.  Her life wasn’t fulfilled so she made the choice of staying sexually pure until she got married.  It’s been a hard road for Danielle to walk, but her determination has paid off for her.  God blessed her with a young man named Steve who is a Christian, and they are walking together in a courtship relationship with the hope of getting married.   Single young men and women, you need to build the right habits to become the right person for someone to marry.   Whether you use the dating or courtship method with the person you are in a relationship with, just remember the habits you practice with your partner, will become the foundation that you are taking into your marriage.  I encourage you to build the right for foundation for your marriage so it will last for a lifetime.

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.