FULFILLING MY SPOUSE'S EMOTIONAL NEED, FOR BEING LOVED - Part 3

Today’s blog is the final part of the topic that we have been covering for three weeks called, “Fulfilling My Spouse’s Emotional Need, For Being Loved”.  Last week we looked at “The Five Love Languages” in detail, in order for us to know and understand our spouse’s primary love language.  We used Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”.  In the book he said there are five ways that we can express and experience emotional love from our spouse, which are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  Today we will look at how we can effectively meet our spouse’s emotional need for being loved, through “The Five Love Languages”.  It is also a good idea for us to know and understand our own love language, in order to communicate to our spouse how we feel loved.  As married couples, the goal is for us is to love each other unselfishly the way our spouse desires to be loved.  Having honest and authentic dialogue with them can help us discover their love language. 

If you were like me maybe you didn’t even know anything about someone having a primary love language, all you knew is that you were enjoying the company of your future mate.  We did certain things with our spouse that showed we loved them, but it wasn’t with the sole purpose of meeting their love language.    Later we get married to our spouse only to begin working on our careers, having children, and raising a family.  We get so busy with life that we tend to stop focusing on one another, doing the things we did to build up our relationship when we were dating them.  As a result of being preoccupied with life, if our emotional need to be loved isn’t being fulfilled, we will begin to complain and wonder, “What happened to all the love before the marriage?”  We will start isolating ourselves from our spouse being engrossed with work, children, hobbies, and other things.  Eventually that will lead to drifting apart emotionally and relationally, which will lead to separation and divorce. 

It is important that we focus on our spouse’s need for being loved, because God intended for a husband and wife to be one in marriage, fulfilling their mate’s need for unconditional love.  There’s a biblical principle in 1 Corinthians 13:4 that says, “Love is patient, and kind.”  One way of fulfilling our mates need for being loved is by discovering their love language.  Here are some ways of discovering your spouse’s primary love language:

·         What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply?  The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.  For example if your spouse always criticizes you without saying how they appreciate you, and every time that happens you feel unloved, then maybe your primary love language is “words of affirmation”.   

·         What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel loved.  If you are always asking your spouse to do things around the house, maybe your love language is “acts of service”.  If you are always suggesting to your spouse about doing something together, it could be that your love language is “quality time”.

·         In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse?  Your method of expressing love may be an indication that it would also make you feel loved.  If you are always expressing love to your spouse by buying little gifts to show your love to them, then maybe your love language is “receiving gifts” unless that’s their love language.

Once we know our spouse’s love language, we can look for different opportunities and ways to love them the way they desire to be loved.  The aim is to love our spouse by their primary love language, but that doesn’t mean we can’t express our love to them through all of the love languages.  I know for my wife and I, we try to please one another by practicing each other’s love language.  Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we don’t, but our goal is we try to do what we can to fulfill each other’s way for being loved.  Married couples let’s make the effort of knowing our spouse’s love language, then doing what we can to meet their primary way of being loved.  Maybe you’re a couple at the point where both of you have drifted off into isolation in your marriage, and you are asking the question “What happened to all the love before the marriage?”  Here is when you need to know that love isn’t just a feeling, it is a choice you make of being committed to your spouse.  The good news is God is a restorer of marriages.  If you and your spouse are willing to forgive one another, and begin to practice these love languages together, He can put your marriage back together if you allow Him too.  Remember the goal is to fulfill our spouse’s need for being loved, and it is possible today.  

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.