FAMILY REUNIONS, A WAY TO BRING FAMILIES TOGETHER

Today in this blog, I would like to talk to you about observing an event that so many families have practiced through the years which is “Family Reunions”.  Many families have attended family reunions, and as a result family members have connected closer with each other.  It is important for us to know that, “Family Reunions” can be a tool to help us build healthy and strong extended family relationships.  I believe participating in family reunions is a way to bring families together.  On May 23, 2015, I am proud to say I enjoyed taking part and participating in two great family reunions.  My family, the Jones - Stradford family, came together for our 20^th Cousins Round Up family reunion, and my wife’s family, the Wallace family, came together for their first ever family reunion.  It was good seeing family members over a happy occasion, instead of seeing them over a sad occasion at a funeral.

As I stated family reunions have been practiced by many families down through the years.  In a Washington Post article titled “The Family Reunion Trip: It’s All Relatives” written by Gary Lee in January 2006, he wrote about Family Reunions in the African American culture.  Mr. Lee in his article wanted to show how African American families participate and bond closer together through family reunions.  He focused his report on a family named “The Fisher”.  The Fisher family history tracks back to descendants, by blood or marriage, of Orange and Berry, two brothers born in the late 1800’s in Lancaster County, S.C.  In the late 1940’s and 1950’s, the grandchildren began to migrate to New Jersey, and to other parts north in search for better jobs.  The two brothers died in the 1950’s.  Their descendants have been meeting every two years since the late 1990’s.  In fact when this article was written, their family reunion was taking place in Atlanta, GA., where they had three-days of celebrating as a family. 

Focusing on our family, I had the privilege of talking to my cousin Dwight who is the one that had the vision behind “The Cousin Round Up”.  He shared with me the family reunion has been going on for 25 years now, and from everyone’s feedback this year’s reunion was the best.  Dwight said everything started with him in the 1980’s, when he noticed how we were losing our aunts and uncles because of death.  It was in 1990 when his mom passed away.  He mentioned that whenever he would see family members, it was always at a funeral.  Even though we would have a good time with each other, it was always at a sad occasion over someone’s death.  It was through this experience that “The Cousin Round Up” was birthed through him in 1990.  Dwight’s desire was that we would come together as a family, and have a good time with one another at a good occasion.  He would supply the place for the reunion, all we had to do was to come, bring our food, and have a nice time together as a family.  The reunion would be held every two years around the Memorial Day holiday weekend.  This year a committee was formed for the reunion, and a family Facebook group page was created called “The Family of Henry and Lula Jones”.  It had a picture of my Aunt Lula and Uncle Henry Jones, and all of their children, that dated back around 1945-1947.  I must say the committee did a great job in making, “The Cousin Round Up” a pleasant experience for us that are a part of this fantastic family.

For my wife’s family we would always get together over someone’s funeral, so this year her family decided to have a family reunion.  Even though their family isn’t as big as my family, we had relatives coming from Georgia, and around our area.  Their committee met and they work out things to bring us together as a family, so we could continue to build good relationships with each other. 

It is important for us to do things that will keep us connected together with our extended family, instead of allowing things to keep us isolated from them.  The good thing about attending family reunions are, coming together and sharing our family stories with other family members. Coming together and eating good food, along with participating in different activities.  Also not allowing conflicts or problems to keep us separated from our family.  All of these things help draw us closer together with each other.  It has been said “Friends come and go, but family is forever.”  Family Reunions can be a tool to bring us closer together as a family, and keep us connected to one another.  Be intentional about participating in your family reunion and build closer family ties with your extended family.

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

FATHERHOOD WE WERE CREATED TO BE FATHERS - Part 2

Today we are continuing the blog I started last week entitled “Fatherhood We Were Created To Be Fathers – Part 1”.  Last week I shared when God the Father created us, He gave us what we needed to be effective fathers in our home.  When fathers are present in the home and a part of their children’s lives, kids grow up in stable families.  The opposite is true, when fathers are absent in their children lives, the kids grow up in dysfunctional and disconnected families.  President Barack Obama after he became president started the Fatherhood Initiative.  The reason why he started this initiative is fatherlessness is a growing crisis in America, one that underlines many of the challenges that families are facing.  When dads aren’t around, young people are more likely to drop out of school, use drugs, be involved in the criminal justice system, and become young parents themselves.  President Obama grew up without his dad, and said that being a father is the most important job he has.  That’s why the President is joining dads from across the nation in a fatherhood pledge – a pledge that we’ll do everything we can to be there for our children and for young people whose fathers are not around.  President Obama encourages us to be fathers in our children’s lives.

We also looked at “The Fatherhood Principle” a book written by the late Dr. Myles Munroe.  Dr. Munroe says “The Fatherhood Principle is – The father is the source that sustains, protects, nourishes, and provides identity for that which he produces (children).”  Last week I shared with you the first two points pertaining to fatherhood that we can practice in our home, and today I will share the last two points with you:

1.      Fathers are the source of life for their family. 

(Refer to last week’s blog on June 15, 2015 read this point)

2.      Fathers are the providers for their family.

(Refer to last week’s blog on June 15, 2015 read this point)

3.      Fathers are the protectors for their family.  We were created to protect our family, and as fathers in order to be protectors of our children we must play an active role in their lives.  Whether we are married and have children, or we are single and have children, as fathers we must protect the emotional state of our kids so they can develop stable lives.  One of the ways we can protect our children emotionally is, giving them a sense of security in the family by loving and respecting their mother.   For instance as fathers, the way our children see us treating their mother in the home, will give them a sense of feeling loved and protected in the family.  I remember one Father’s Day we were out of town on vacation as a family, and our son David left me a tribute for Father’s Day on my cell phone.  He told me how he appreciated me being in his sisters and his life, and expressed how he felt loved and protected in our family.  He said he felt a sense of protection because of the way I loved and respected his mom (my wife).   Fathers we have been given the duty to protect our children in our families.

4.      Fathers are the leaders for their family.  Men, we were created to lead our family, especially fulfilling our role as fathers lead our children.  When I talk about being leaders to our children, I don’t mean bossing them around like a dictator, but being examples for our kids to follow.  To lead our children in the right way, we must be willing to serve our family as servant leaders in the home.  A servant leader is someone who serves others out of love, who helps to meet other’s needs, leads others by example, and values their growth.  Fathers our job as servant leaders in the home is to serve our children out of love, help meet their needs, lead them by our example, and help them grow up to fulfill their purpose in life.  My goal as a father and leader in my home is, to prepare my children for life, live in a way that they know I love them, become a role model for them, and desire that they follow my leadership in serving their family.  

Fatherhood is God’s way for us to help our children to develop spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and physically.  I have been blessed to have a father in my life play a major role in my development, but maybe you might say my father wasn’t even in my life to give me support.  All isn’t lost for you because God can give you what’s needed to become a good father.  We were created to lead and father our family, so let’s adhere to “The Fatherhood Principle”, and learn how to become the fathers God intended us to be to our children.

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

FATHERHOOD WE WERE CREATED TO BE FATHERS - Part 1

In our society one of the greatest roles men can have today is being a father.  Fatherhood is an important role in the success of any family being well connected.  In fact my father was active with my brothers and I, and he demonstrated what fatherhood was all about in our home.  When I became a father, I knew I had to take my job as a parent serious in order to become the best dad I wanted to be for my children.  I truly believe, when fathers are present in the home and active in their children lives, their marriage and family life benefits, because the children grow up and develop in stable families.  When fathers are absent in the home and in the lives of their children, their marriage and family suffers, and we see the results of it in our society with so many dysfunctional and disconnected families. 

Since Father’s Day is coming up this Sunday, I decided over the next two weeks to write on the subject of “Fatherhood”.  I hope to encourage and challenge all men including myself, to take our rightful place in the home, and fulfill our roles as fathers in our families.  In the book “The Fatherhood Principle” written by the late Dr. Myles Munroe he talks about men fulfilling their God-given roles as husbands and fathers.  Dr. Munroe says “The Fatherhood Principle is – The father is the source that sustains, protects, nourishes, and provides identity for that which he produces (children).”  Fatherhood is a biblical principle in Genesis 1:27, because being a father is rooted in God’s image, since we were created by Him.  The male was created to lead and father his family as the head of the home.  This statement isn’t meant to dismiss the important role that women play as mothers in the home, because they are the back bone of the family.  They give support to their husbands working together with them, and even in some cases where men are not present in the home they are leading and taking care of their family. 

Here are four points pertaining to fatherhood that we can practice in our home.  Today I will share the first two points:

 

1.      Fathers are the source of life for their family.  Men are the source of life along with women when it comes to giving birth to children. In other words, men we were created to be dads, and given the ability to be the source of life for future generations of families.  Fatherhood implies that as men, whatever we produce by way of offspring (children) we have the sole responsibility to take care of them.  We must understand that fatherhood isn’t just about men biologically having a bunch of babies all over the place, but it’s about men taking care of the obligation to father their children.  I believe inherently we were created with the ability to care of our children, but because of our selfish sinful behavior, it has caused us to forsaken our responsibilities.  The goal as fathers should be is to leave a legacy that our children and future generations can practice, that will help them have successful marriages and families.  The same goal is what my wife and I have been striving to live out, and pass along to our three children.  As a father, I value my children because God values the family. 

2.      Fathers are the providers for their family.  As providers we are to sustain and nourish our children spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally, and financially.  To nourish means to supply with food or whatever is needed for life, health, and growth.  Our society understands when it comes to men financially taking care of their children, but fathering is more than just spending money on them, it is making sure their needs are met to help them function in life.  As fathers, it is our responsibility to train and teach our children about God and ways of the Lord to give them a spiritual foundation.  We must nourish our children’s emotional needs by affirming and encouraging them, in order to build them up emotionally.  As fathers we need to spend time with our children in order to connect with them.  Finally, we are responsible for taking care of our children’s physical, and financial needs giving them what they need, not necessarily what they want. 

The foundation of the family is the male, and if we are going to have healthy families everything starts and ends with us as fathers.  Next week we will continue to look at the points of fatherhood that we can practice in our home.  

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

WHAT IS LOVE? - Part 2

                                                       

Today I am continuing my blog entitled “What is love? – Part 2”.  This week we are still looking at the question “What is love?”  Last week I introduced four Greek words to you that define love to us which are philia, storge, eros, and agape. Today we want to look at the way we experience love through these Greek words in our relationships such as friendships, family, dating and marriage. 

·         Friendships.  Philia is the Greek word that describes the love that is shared between friends.  In order to have a friendship with someone, we must connect with them, and that usually happens because we share something in common.  A friendship between people should be built on an unselfish love.  This is demonstrated by our actions in a give and take relationship with one another.  As we take time to connect with our friends, and get to know them, we are able to build a friendship.  There is a saying “You don’t get to choose your family, but you do get to choose your friends, so choose wisely.”

·         Family relationships.  The love that exists among family members is described by the Greek word “storge”.  The word storge means a natural affection of love that you share with your family.   Storge is the love that bonds a family together relationally.  This bond doesn’t just happen automatically, but it is caused by a family working hard to spend time together to connect with one another, in order to build a close knit family.  As married couples we must practice and model connecting with each other first in the home, so our children can get a picture of what a close knit family can look like for them.  Problems and conflicts will come to disrupt your relationship, but a storge kind of love that is shared among a family can keep it together.

·         Dating and marriage relationships.  The reason why I put dating and marriage relationship together is, usually because we tend to marry the person we are seeing in our dating relationship.  The Greek word “eros” means sexually and erotic desire kind of love (positive or negative).  In other words we experience eros love by our passionate feelings that we have for someone.  Those desires ultimately are expressed through sexual intercourse with them.  Today many dating couples base their relationship on eros love because the focus is on sex.  I believe God created marriage, and designed sex to be practiced unselfishly between married couples, in order for them to share their love together physically and emotionally.   When sex is taken out of the context of marriage, it can be misused selfishly to manipulate people we are dating and hurt them emotionally, causing broken lives.  For married couples eros love can be used in a positively to build our marriage up, and to cause us to enjoy our spouse in a physical way through sex.    

·         The last Greek word that impacts all three relationships is “agape”.  Agape means unconditional love with no strings attached or divine love.  Agape is a divine love that comes from God.  It can only be received by us when we come into a relationship with God.  Last week we looked at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to see what the Bible had to say about love.  The word for “love” in this chapter is “agape”.  Our natural love is selfish and will fade away with people, but God’s love will never run out or give up on people.  Agape will continue to love a family member that we have a conflict with, it won’t allow an incident to sever a close friendship with a friend, and it won’t allow us to manipulate our spouse by misusing sex to get our way.  Agape is unconditional love.     

No matter what kind of relationship we have, in order to stay connected, it must be based on the Greek word “agape”, unconditional love with others.  If our relationships aren’t based on “agape” unconditional love, then it will be based our feelings and conditions we will place on someone such as our spouse, friends, or others.  Our actions won’t be out of love, but, purely motivated out of selfishness and convenience.  What is love?  Love is “agape” which means to love all those in your relationships unconditionally with no strings attached.     

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.

What Is Love? - Part 1

                                                       

What is love?  This is a question a lot of people are asking today, and desiring an answer.  For some people love is an emotional feeling that they have over a person such as “infatuation".  Some people believe love is sex, or “making love to someone”.  And then there are those who say love is an expression such as “I love football”.  What is love?  Depending on the relationship we have with someone our level of love can be different with them.  Even our meaning of love might be different because of the relationship we have with another person in our life.  For instance there are different levels of love in various relationships such as a friendship between two people, a family with parents and children or siblings, a marriage between a husband and wife, and a dating couple with a man and woman.  Love is experienced in different relationships with people, and that is why we need to truly know “what is love?”

Writer Tom Pappalardo wrote an article on the subject “What is love?”  First love is a feeling.  He says, “Most everyone wants to experience love.  Yet do most of us really know what is true love?  If someone wants to have a better understanding of how to love in order to fully experience love, they need to get a grip on the concept of “unconditional love”.  We all experience love in some form, and in some way, but do we really contemplate what is love?   It is important to understand that love is experienced by the lover.  When you love someone, that is your very personal experience of love.  We can categorically claim that love is a unique experience of feeling love for another.”  Second, he says love is demonstrated in certain actions such as: self-sacrificing, unconditional, and selflessness. 

In other words Mr. Pappalardo is saying love is a feeling that we experience when someone expresses it to us, or when we share it with others.  He also talks about love being demonstrated through self-sacrificing, unconditional, and selfless actions by us toward others, or by others toward us.  I believe these actions are great, but we can’t base our love on our feelings by the way we respond to them.  Love must be based on something higher such as our commitment that we make to someone.  There are several words in the Greek language that tells us “What is love?”

·         Storge – Natural affection, the love you share with your family.

·         Philia – The love that you have for friends.

·         Eros – Sexual and erotic desires kind of love (positive or negative).

·         Agape – This is the unconditional love with no strings attached or divine love. 

In the Greek language there are different words that communicate love to a person, but in the English language we have only the one word for love.  In our society we lump the one word for love into all of our expressions, and it becomes more of an emotional feeling that we experience.  Love is more than an emotional feeling, it is an unconditional commitment that a person makes with another without any strings attached.  Even the Bible gives us an example of what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  It says, “Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”  

What is love?  Love isn’t just an emotional feeling, but it is an unconditional commitment that we make with someone who we are in a relationship with.  My love for my wife is stronger today, than 30 years ago when I said “I do” in marriage.  The reason is because my love wasn’t based on feelings, but it was based on my commitment to her.  We vowed that we would be committed to each other, “For better or for worst”, and we have withstood the good and bad times together.  Many dating relationships are based on physical feelings of erotic sexual love, and they carry that attitude right into their marriage.  Once difficulties hit their relationship, couples struggle in their marriage until they begin to drift apart, separate themselves from one another, and eventually get a divorce.  No matter what kind of relationship you are in whether it is a friendship, a family, or a marriage in order to stay connected together relationally, your love must be unconditional and based on a commitment with others.  I encourage you all to build your relationships on acts of self-sacrificing, unconditional, and selfless love.  You can then experience and feel loved.  Next week we will continue looking at the subject “What is love?”  

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.